Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
