Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
You are a genius and a whore.
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