my phone needs a breathalizer
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
