We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
