The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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