she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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