i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
