You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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