we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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