Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
