gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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