Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
