is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
