I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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