Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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