hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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