I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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