dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
