is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
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