did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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