bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
