he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
