My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
