right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
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