i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
