My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize