This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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