the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i just had sex bonerless
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
