i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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