considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
