I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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