I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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