"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
