You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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