She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
