My cat gives me a boner
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
