Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
