i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
