i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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