okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
When are your genitals available?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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