he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
