Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
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