dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
