i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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