Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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