I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize
