also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
