so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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