come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
