he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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