why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
We have started to decorate penises.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize