I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
You ruined the universe
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
