why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
