I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
