the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i just had sex bonerless
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
