Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
