Someone shit on the floor
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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