Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
