i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Mom said you looked used
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Randomize
