It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Randomize
