Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
