i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
