You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
