Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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