i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
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