I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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