I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Randomize
