Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
