I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
