You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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