he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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