I am puke
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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