So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
