I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
