Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
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