I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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