my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
