I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
