Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
