if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
P.S. I can't hear my feet
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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