I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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