I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
