So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
