you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
