im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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