I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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