his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize