lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
