do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
