Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize