Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
This house was built for laser tag.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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