White coat. Heels.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
