yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i barfeds in our rink
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Who died my cat blue again?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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