after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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