Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
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