you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
